Writer's Block?

That's what I called it when one of my best buds asked why I haven't been updating as often? Anyone who knows me knows that I love to write. I'm not particularly good at it. It's just something I've always enjoyed. Anyway, to his question I responded that I had writer's block. He advised me to go back to the beginning to read some of my earlier posts. As I did, I realized the point he was making. It's not writer's block because most of the things written were of the feelings I had in the moment, my experiences as a first time mom, the trials, the hardships, but also the near perfect moments of being a mommy so I promised I'd try to start it up again. Truth is, it's been a rough year and a half. Writer's block may have been part of it, but it was also that there were and are a lot of things I wasn't quite ready to share with not just what went up publicly, but with anyone at all - including my closest friends. And in my attempt to "hide" parts of my life - I stopped writing about my days entirely. Well, I'm back. This was started as a way to reflect back as a new mommy and I'm still learning which means I should still have a life to write about. I'll start. Uhm. Tomorrow.




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Happy Monday!

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Thinking About It

I guess she considered waking up and getting off the bed and fell asleep before she could decide.






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One Day

She will call me mom instead of mommy. She will go off to school and be embarrassed by my "I love you"-s. She won't kiss me back and hugs will be seldom. She will fight for her independence and she won't need me to kiss her ouchies to make them better. I think about the probabilities and I want her to fly and soar as high as her wings will allow and discover everything wonderful and all the things that aren't that leaves her appreciating the wonderful things surrounding her when she sees and feels them. Even if they break my heart because I won't be able to fix all things imperfect for her.











For now, however, all I see are the grand possibilities for her and while watching her grow into this whole other person tugs at my heart strings more often than not because I wish I had the ability to stall time for my own selfish reasons, I'm excited to hear her speak, put words together that she didn't know even a month ago, work on puzzles, cop up an attitude, get stubborn for the things she absolutely must have and I take comfort in the fact that at age 2, at 12, at 20 - in some way, no matter what her age, she will always remain my baby - if not A baby.

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Happy Birthday

My baby turns 2 at the end of the month. We threw her a party early which seems to be unavoidable due to the holidays, but she doesn't seem to mind it one bit. In fact, I think she enjoyed it immensely. What's not to love? Run to her heart's content without mommy yelling "stop you're gonna get ouch!" every 5 minutes. Pizza. Cake. The works. It doesn't feel as though it's been a full year since we celebrated her first birthday... You are the one best thing in my life and don't you ever forget it! I love you so much, my heart aches.

















Thank you guys all for joining us! She had so much fun, she's actually snoring as I'm typing this. - Posted using BlogPress

Discovering New Things

We have discovered stickers. They have invaded everything.

















Yes baby. Mommy is as proud of you as you are of yourself for discovering such new exciting ways of making bigger messes. They're fun aren't they? - Posted using BlogPress

The ABC Song

Please excuse my singing voice. Just ignore me but watch to the end. It's pretty darn funny.

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Fried

Over the weekend, Beanie felt the need to bathe my phone. Maybe it looked dirty to her. I should've taken a photo of it, but I was too shocked and rushed to save a phone that was probably not going to make it anyway and well, my phone is really what I use as a camera on a daily basis for things like this. It's fried. I didn't even have the heart to yell at her. She thought the phone was dirty. I mean really, what can you possibly do? So I took away the cup of water, dried up my phone in a bowl full of rice because I heard somewhere it soaks up the water that remains in the device, took a long deep sigh, sat down beside her and we ate yogurt with cheerios for breakfast. If I called you some time today, please understand that it's on voice control by itself so it turns on or calls whatever it thinks it's hearing. I get in about 3 text messages before it shuts off and reboots itself. Jen, I think it was something like 6am your time when I left you a voicemail of the TV talking in the background. I didn't know my phone was calling random people down my list. Whoops! I'd post up a photo, but I have nothing to retract any new photos from at the moment. This will just have to hold you over until my new phone comes in. Which by the way is supposed to be here tomorrow except noone will be here to sign for it. Cheers to all the toddler handlers out there! BIG. FAT. SIGH. - Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Ego vs Duty

I learned an important lesson this week. Doctors have a duty to address a patient's concern. Including complaints of children who are still non-verbal and the only thing you have to go on is an "ouch" that can mean a gazillion things. I took her to the ER on Saturday because it was a weekend and was so certain she had an ear infection. Oh no? Okay. We get sent home with Motrin at something like 6pm and most likely an eye roll from the attending resident and her pediatrician. 11pm rolls around and her fever spikes. Monday afternoon comes, she still has a fever and pediatrician sends me home with Motrin and Tylenol because you know, I couldn't pick it up from a drugstore myself. All my concerns are that of a first time, over zealous mom during flu season. Monday rolls into Wednesday. Her fever is not going away. I insist something is wrong. I insist with all things considered - my anal, perfectionist, over-zealous, borderline paranoid concern for my daughter - that I know something is not right. I am a first time mom, I am not experienced and the bean has never had an ear infection but I know my baby better than anyone else, and dammit, I would rather you prove me wrong and mock me than not check at all and throw my concerns into a pile of things to brush off. I searched and searched convinced I was not imagining this and finally found someone who not only confirmed my instincts, but in that time, my poor kid suffered all because doctors are won over by their experiences and their egos rather than hear out a mother's insistence that experience or none at all, she knows her baby best. Unfortunately, it turned out that my instincts were right so a small infection in one ear, not only spread to both ears but she had to be on much stronger antibiotics which can be quite upsetting to her tiny little stomach when all it would've taken was the proper initial diagnosis and a much gentler antibiotic could have resolved this nearly a week ago. So my inexperienced advice to moms (and dads) if you don't think your doctor is being careful enough or thorough enough and not addressing your concerns, go find someone who will and continue to ask questions because it's better to be the crazy mom who is wrong than the sane mom who does it all per doctor's orders only to realize doctors are wrong too. Not only because they're human, but also because sometimes their i-know-better-than-you-i-went-to-med-school egos won't allow them to admit an error. Proof? My bean's before and after pics.





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Big Girl

She becomes more and more a big girl from the baby she was, and is in some in between stage and I marvel over her changes, but still yearn for the baby in her at the same time.





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