Thursday, January 17, 2013

My Beanie at 3!

To my Beanie,

Mommy may not be the best mommy in the world. Mommy may not balance life so well all of the time, but everyday my wish is that you always know that you are so very loved. You've grown so much and you're the biggest chatter box. It makes me laugh most of the time, but it also makes me want ear plugs some days. You say the funniest things at the most random moments to remind me to slow down and listen to what you have to say. I love that we can have a conversation now. As much as it drives me bananas, I also love that you are feisty and coy and you make everyone that meets you work (hard!) for your affection. Frustrating at times, but mostly I'm proud. That little brain of yours retains so much information that at times I'm taken aback by how much you know and how much you actually remember. You're as cute as a button, as sharp as ever, so so sweet, and while our days don't always end the way it does in story books, or our mornings aren't so perfectly kicked off, it's our life and it makes my world perfect because you, my baby, make mommy's world perfect. At 3 or 13 or 30, I hope you know that, that will never change. I love you and there will never be enough ways to show you or enough languages to tell it to you. I can't believe you're 3!


Yes, yes, I am slacking in the blogging department. It's not that I don't think of it. I have 13 drafts just sitting there unfinished. Thoughts that don't have an ending. It was recently Bean's third birthday. It's still hard for me to believe that it's only been 3 years. This life changing, life altering moment happened merely 3 years and 18 days ago. I hardly remember what my life consisted of before she was born nor have I much cared for what it used to be prior to her birth. I remember very little about a whole crap mess load of things. I've grown so much that any other relationship outside of parenthood, I have very little trouble turning my back on without so much as batting an eye, but I haven't forgotten the moment since she's been born that I've had with her.

I've perused through my blogs back to the very first day, and I still remember the feeling of sheer and utter euphoria. Exhausted, overwhelmed and ever deliriously happy just to watch her sleep, make her smile, watch her eat, and to just stare at this little person I've created. Whatever the mess life was beyond that hadn't registered, and I'm not sure I would have cared even if I had been more cognizant. And you know what? Not much has changed. My imperfect perfection.

These are her angry, happy, sad and surprised faces. Hahah she cracks me up.

And bath time before bed

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