I've been in one. I love being a mom. Every moment of it. Even the hard ones, but lately, I wonder what will come of me as me. It's so easy get lost in the shuffle and you don't quite belong anywhere and you obviously do - both at the same time. I don't mind putting life aside to be a mom. I really don't, but it can be a lonely place to be. I know my posts haven't been very uppity. Really I've just been trying to figure things out. Guilt and fickle-ness over part time daycare, working from home, goals of sorts, socially, personally, home life, balancing and scheduling and mostly trying to be a better mommy. Maybe letting go just a little (twice or thrice a week for 4 hours surely won't kill either of us, will it?) will be a healthy thing. I've been needing to get out of the house more often as of late to simply "be" and because it needs to be after Husband gets home and after she's asleep, they become rather late nights even if I'm only out for a few hours. Even if it isn't ideal, I still get the little bit of time-out that I find myself needing more and more and for the time being, it works. He takes the day to breathe and I take the nights even if it's only for a long drive or to a late midnighty movie and a diner meal of eggs and corned beef hash afterwards. Balance. All about balance. I have none and it's usually, truly, okay but sometimes, some days, it's not as okay as I would like it to be. Then morning comes, she's as cute as can be and all is right again in the world. It's a perpetual cycle.
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