Wow

I was choking with laughter. Does it get any better?


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Chapters

Occasionally I flip through the photos taken in the last near 20 months of the Bean's life and I can't believe it's been less than 2 whole years since she's been born and here she is now - a real person. Attitude, spunk, funnies, and all. I don't remember what life was like without her in it. I don't remember what I did or used to do before I was a mommy to this real, breathing, live human person I gave birth to. As it is one of the hardest things I've known, being a mommy has also been one of the best things in life and I couldn't, wouldn't, trade it for anything in this little world of mine because she is what makes my world a full whole one. This is one of my favorite pictures of her.


I still remember watching her sleep, this tiny little form, wondering in that moment, what I was before her. Here she is now, and I still fall in love with her again and again and again everyday. Yes, she also drives me crazy again and again daily, but that's her job and I wouldn't have it any other way.


And if you're wondering what that concoction of a drink is, it's kale juice. Yep. My kid likes green stuff. - Posted using BlogPress

Oh So Sleepy

There's just something heartbreaking about watching a baby sleeping in a carseat that I can't quite explain. Every time my Bean is fast asleep in her seat, my heart hurts watching her from the rear view mirror.


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Buggies

Know what that ugly thing on my forehead the size of a coin is? Do you? Guess? It's a mosquito bite. Do you see it? It doesn't even look half as bad on camera. I wear sweatshirts and long sleeve shirts at the park in any hundred degree weather and I make sure I'm in jeans and anything that covers most of my skin because so long as I am around, I am everyone else's insect repellent. So where do they target? My. Fricking. Forehead. All along my cheeks too, but my forehead! The little sh*ts! Do you know how much self control it takes to not scratch something so ginormous because it only makes the thing grow from nickel size to a quarter size? I've got bites everywhere and scars as a result. I thought being bitten on my feet was the worst. Let's face it, you look beyond ridiculous scratching away non-stop at your feet in public, and it's near impossible to walk and scratch your feet at the same time, but the forehead? Jeebus! Worst ever, I swear. I look like a moron, first of all, because it actually looks like something you would end up with after having walked into a wall or a doorknob, but what really makes it worse is that for every time I put my finger on it, it grows exponentially in size... Help. Me. They have no purpose. These blood sucking little craps with wings have no purpose in life yet they terrorize me daily no matter where I am! I learned something new about myself today. Having a mosquito bite on my forehead makes me super irritable and cranky.

Foodie

I used to eat. I mean the technical term my friend L uses is "food food". Not just food. I ate as much, if not more at times, than the dudes I knew. Since I've had the Bean, however, I'm lucky if I eat breakfast or lunch, and if I remember to eat, it's whatever is available in the moment and it doesn't even have to taste much like anything so long as it's edible. Today, my meal of choice for the morning is dry cheerios. Oh how I miss the days of slabs of pork, mounds of lasagna, and loaded pizza pies. I'm lucky to scarf down a slice, never mind the half a pie I used to do and it sounds disgusting but goodness, it was so fun. I have officially resigned as a foodie. Now I've got the Bean - she's much tastier anyway.








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ZZZ

Is there anything sweeter than a baby asleep with her butt stuck up high in the air?

Rant

Friend of a friend at a bar while celebrating a birthday: "You're a mom? [insert condescending look]". Yes, I am a mom. First and foremost, I am always a mom. I wake with my daughter from 6-7 in the morning until she's down for the night 13 hours later. I play, feed, console with hugs and drown her in kisses everyday, all day. I change diapers all day and bathe my baby daily and she is loved beyond belief. She is and will remain my main, if not often, my only number one priority. It is when she is asleep I allow myself a little time and space to simply be. Just because someone is a parent doesn't mean they are not allowed to be anything else but a parent and it certainly doesn't mean they are not allowed to let loose with a drink or two to celebrate birthdays or to celebrate nothing at all. I am not drinking myself to oblivion. It is not even possible because I know I come home to her and that means I don't even get to fully unwind. I am just taking off the edge from the pressures of what my every day life is like that you know nothing about. Noone gets to judge me and yet, they do. I'm okay with that, but the look? Oh, the look. I suppose I can't blame them, but you see, on 2-3 hours of sleep, I come home and the first thing I do is make sure in my post-buzzed exhausted self-inflicted state that she's sleeping in a dry diaper, I don't crawl into bed until I am certain I have everything she needs the minute she wakes up and I am awake with her on bare minimum sleep running and chasing after her, playing with her, and loving every minute of it. I do feel the need to explain myself. To those who do not know me well enough and even to those who do, it matters to me that they are aware of how important my daughter is to me and not a single day goes by without my doing everything in my power to be the best mom to her. Maybe not to any other kid or by anyone else's standard but I do know I am the best mommy to her and for her because noone in this world loves my kid more than I do. So suck back in your looks. You know nothing. This is my life. SHE is my life and if you don't have one, you don't know where I am coming from. She's one of the happiest babies I know which tells me, despite your crap look in which you view me, I'm doing exactly what I should be and it's not a piss poor job just because mommy needs some mommy time too.











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