Goals

Mommy's goal for the week will be to sleep before midnight for at least 4 of the 5 weekdays. My goal for the week is to focus a bit more on you than on work, household duties, problems and life. My goal is to be more patient with you and to try to listen to your incessant babbling and to respond to your incessant babbling because one day, you'll stop and I'll never get it back. My goal this week is to give you more kisses than scoldings. My goal this week is to give you more hugs than demands. The goal I can't beat is to love you more than I do now because I don't think it is humanly possible to love you any more than I do already.

I hope to the heavens above that you will always know this in your heart - I may not always succeed in the goals I make for myself, for you, or for us, but I cannot love anything more than I do you.

Every supermarket should have one of these. It's a shopping cart with a kiddie car attached to the front. It's a pain in the a$$ to push around the narrow aisles (why didn't anyone think to make the aisles wide enough for these carts?) but it definitely makes for some easy grocery shopping when your kid is occupied and thinks she's controlling which way you turn. Mommy score!




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One Of 'Em Days

I wake up in a crap mood hoping that by noon it'll be better but the day drags on and makes my crap mood into a pissy one - I couldn't wait for it to be over. Then I pick up my Bean and listen to her endless chatter in the backseat of the car, singing in her broken baby talk because she doesn't quite yet know all the words to all the songs, you can't help but feel a little ashamed not to be grateful for the moments. And boy, am I. At the end of it all, she's the result and for that, I can chalk up days like this as "just a bad day; not a bad life".




She's so anti photo!

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Happy Saturday

It has been one of the most relaxing Saturdays. Active still because "relaxing" is a rather relative term with a toddler around, but minimal tantrums and mostly happy 2 year old makes for the day a happy, relaxing one. She took a near 4 hour nap, we walked quite a bit after she woke, window shopped, picked up a pair of earrings for her because they get lost constantly and all in all, a nice red mango with strawberries kind of day. Happy baby; happy mommy. Relaxed mommy and an even happier baby. I need not wish for more than days like today.




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Rewind

Every so often, I click over to the first few months of my daughter's life, and the reason this blog was born. I wanted my feelings, experiences and ultimately my proudest moments documented to show how in love with the Bean I was as a new mom knowing nothing. At 29 months, she is the very core of me and still, I can say, I know nothing. It's always a learning curve and it's as challenging and mind-blowing and absolutely delightful now as it was then. Different, and alike all at once. Everyday I can only hope that I am doing just one thing right. So in a rather heavy discussion, it was said - "it's funny how things turn out". It is. Simply one different path, however slight, could have taken me down an entirely different road.

Fear

Some days:




Maybe it's the notion that I'm supposed to be, or that I have to be, that makes me feel like smiling even if really, I'm not up to it. Sometimes - before I know it, I'm really smiling and I mean it even if it didn't start out that way. There, of course, are days that I do and my heart isn't at all feeling it. Today is a bit like that. I'm smiling and it's not reaching anywhere. I'm doing it because - well, what's the alternative, ya know? The weekend is over and a great one it was as are most weekends, but tonight, my heart is riding a bit on the heavy side.








Oh, this little girl is the love of my life and damn it - what if I'm doing this all wrong and where do "I" fit into this? Is there such thing as "me" and a "her"?. If it ever came down to choosing - it will always be her and her only, but is that the only way it can be? Is there really such a thing as balance?
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