Toddler-ism

She says a lot of funny things now. Most of it doesn't make a whole lot of sense except probably to her. My favorite is "help you". She confuses "me" and "you". So she'll try to put her shoes on and when she can't she'll pout, look over at me and say "Mommy? Help you?" or like this morning I'm getting dressed while she's trying to put her hat on. It keeps flipping inside out so she gets mad and starts crying, comes over to me to be picked up and cries "Help you mommy? Hat!". This little girl kills me. Oh motherhood. Being a toddler, I realize, is just as rough, maybe more so - than motherhood to a toddler is. It's all momentary, however, and when the fits are over and kissed all better - there's always this that makes up for it. You'll get your shoes on right one day, baby. Your hat too. Don't you worry.




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Color

Don't ever let anyone tell you that adults know best or that they know better or that they know what they're doing. Most of the time, I'm near certain we know less than you do. I think you are much more sure of how things should be than any grown person I know. You're still so small yet so big. You're dependent and you're not. You're full of fire, but so easy to love. You are a lot of things, baby, but most of all, you're perfect for me. Life is full of colors and messes - just like finger painting. Sometimes all the colors blend to form that perfect shade and other times, it just creates a big glob of mess. Like paint, nothing is set in stone, and until you find that perfect shade, in that perfect shape you want, all you can do is keep trying for it. Perhaps you'll make it. Perhaps it'll be a few shades off. As long as you've given it your best, it'll be beautiful. It's so easy to say this to you because all I picture for you are the greatest things in life in all its glorious colors - but should there come a time that not everything looks as though they fit, please try to believe that eventually they will come together. It's about faith baby. That things somehow work. Even when it doesn't immediately feel that way. Mommy isn't so good at it but we'll work on that, right? So remember that the next time it feels like your little world is coming apart on the way home in the backseat of mommy's car because I didn't give you the piece of candy I didn't have, okay? I love you to pieces, munchkin. Tantrums, giggles and all (though, tuning the tantrum part down while mommy's driving would be super appreciated).
















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Things That Make You Go "Hmmm"

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobileweb/lisa-bloom/how-to-talk-to-little-gir_b_882510.html

That's a super interesting read.

And look, she can almost do a ponytail. Almost...



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D.I.Y.

I dont know how true this is, but I've heard often that girls start off with the independence thing much faster than boys do. I don't know what it's like to have a son obviously but for her, she was never very advanced in terms of speaking. In fact, I was starting to get quite concerned until one day she came home just talking. Gibberish with actual words threw in and since then, she surprises me with a new word and full phrases each day. But she definitely was quick in terms of balance and just "getting it". We are currently at a "I can do it myself" phase. We've been at this phase for well, ever, it seems. It's frustrating to no end when we're pressed for time and little-miss-do-it-myself is busy trying to get her own shoes on. On the wrong feet. Or she starts to have a mini melt down bc she can't fully get how the zipper on her jacket works. Wearing her sunglasses, albeit, upside down - But when she gets it, the pride in herself is unmistakable and it's worth being a little late to get out the door. I just have to remind myself of it when it's actually happening.













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Every Breath

Up. Down. Up. Down. Just listening to her breath rise and fall as she sleeps, calms me and motivates me.
























There's nothing in this world that I would trade our night time sillies for. I melt for this girl.

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Growing Up

Since the Bean's been born, she's grown. But through her, I've grown as well. I've learned lessons I never knew I needed. I've learned love in a form that I had never known before. I've learned to pick my battles, and to loosen up on others. I've learned that through her, life is a series of ongoing lessons taught by someone the length of my leg, who speaks only a few words, but has the most precious of gifts to share. She's taught me the worth of forgiving. She's taught me the value of things in the moment. She s taught me that through the hardest of times, the little gifts that remain are what gets you through the hardships in life. In the near 26 months that I've been a momma, I have made some enormous changes internally. The first year of her life, I was too busy figuring out how to just be a mom. Scheduling feedings, naptimes, and night-time routines, worrying about over-stimulation? Not enough stimulation? Feeding her too much? Was she not eating enough? Is her weight gain normal? Is she growing at a normal pace? Was she developing at a normal pace? I spent my days working around what she would need and when she'd need it. Come the first half of the second year, I'd fallen in place of routine just enough to be okay if she slept a little later, or if we had an event to attend around the time her nap time is supposed to be. The latter half of the year, was all about balance. Balancing me, our life, my time with her, my time at home, and through it I've realized, you don't love anyone any less because you need your time to "refuel". It just means you have that much more to give. It's okay if not every aspect of her childhood is within your control. It just means I can only do the best I can to prepare her for all the steps that she will inevitably take - as she did from babyhood to toddlerhood. It'll be from toddlerhood, to child, and I'm not failing because I can't control everything good and bad for her. I'm just doing what I can do and as long as that's my best and I strive only to be the best momma, the rest is left in the hands of fate, in faith, and in hope. Most importantly, the only way to be at your best, is to give yourself the best and that can only come from within. Yeap, these are the lessons taught by the little person who picks fights with me over a handheld vacuum cleaner. She's really getting this eye roll thing down, and honestly, half the time I laugh and the other half just comes out in a half sigh. She's a girl. It's something she was born with.

and then there are faces like this, that I die for