Different, but Better

I go shopping often. I don't mean for diapers, cereal, formula kind of shopping. I mean the fun kind. Where you see those sexy 4 inch heels that would go oh-so-perfectly with that slinky black dress at Nordstrom or those $200 pair of pants from Bloomingdales kind of shopping? Yeah, uhm, no. When I go, I come home with nothing OR my favorite (usually online, but off as well) stores that sell those pretty tops, suits, pants, dresses and shoes have, in fact, been replaced by stores that sell diapers, formula, onesies and the like. Husband generously gave me a budget to go shopping with on one of my most recent mall trips. One to spend on myself. I spent it on an Ergo carrier (don't know what it is? Google it and go buy one if your kid weighs more than 15-pounds. Seriously). I still have the same appreciation for the finer things, yes, but the importance of them are far below my list. Somewhere near having to pick up scrubbing bubbles and tilex for the tub from Target. It's a different life. I spend my days in t-shirts and boxers. On days I feel like dressing up, I shower a little earlier and pull on a pair of jeans with a t-shirt that isn't soggy from baby drool and/or spit up (at least it's clean while I'm putting it on. I didn't say anything about it staying that way). I greedily eye that cute knit sweater in size 6-12 months because she can wear it in cooler weather and it's on sale now. My heart is set on a pair of shoes not meant to be walked in because she does not yet walk. While motherhood does not have to be all encompassing, as you don't have to drown under the title "mommy" and "wife", it is rather easy to lose the "me" in yourself and I do think most Mommies struggle with it. I am now learning that there can be a balance, but you know what? All encompassing or perfectly balanced (for those super moms out there that I most certainly am not) all would probably agree that yes, it is a different life, but better. Much. *Side note: (1) I have never bought pants for $200. I swear! and (2) if you're wondering why there are no photos today, it's because my baby fell off the bed in the middle of the night (no, we don't co-sleep - SHE JUST DID, OKAY!?! *SOB*) and I.am.lazy.because.I.am.tired. Good night.

So Cool!

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Lessons

Some of you may think this is mean, but it's not. Really. It's for her own safety so she doesn't roll herself down the stairs or tries to eat the little spiders I've been catching from time to time. Yes, we invested in a baby cage. It expands from 19 square feet to however large your living room is and how much of it you're willing to let your crawler take over...

My greatest teacher...

My greatest teacher with crazy peoples hair and two teef...

I'm a believer that babies are born, not for you to teach them the way of this world, but for them to teach you the lessons you've either long forgotten or live too far busy a life for. I've learned and achieved quite a bit of things I never would have thought to before my daughter. I am/was that person on the road, that if you cut me off on my bad day, I will floor it to get ahead of you to slam down on my brakes right to the last millisecond (before) you smack into the butt of my car. If you should hit me, well, most of the blame legally lands on you because YOU hit ME. Or on a good day, I'll flip you a bird instead just to make a point. Me no do that anymore. In fact, most of the time, I'm the right lane driver going at speed limit that everyone passes because really, in New York, a sign marking the speed limit is there for show. How quickly do I need to get to Babies R Us, ya know? I am/was that person that is on a checkout line rolling the eyes at people who have even just ONE more item than they're supposed to in the express checkout lane. Now? I just wait. I don't force myself to be patient. I'm just too busy playing with my daughter to care if the line is moving too slow. I also need to have toilet paper facing out so I fix everyone's toilet paper to face the same way. I need to have all frames on walls straight. Even if it isn't my wall and maybe the people who live there wanted that frame on its side. No, I have to fix it. If there are two doors on either side of a wall, my dresser needs to be in the middle. Not off to the right or left, smack perfectly evenly in the middle. I will push and pull and tug until it is where I want it to be. I can't stand rings on the table, desk or floor. Coasters/napkins anyone? I hate seeing hair on the floor so I am always staring down at the floor to pick them up as I walk from point A to point B. Now, between my husband, the baby who sheds like a german shepard and myself, it humanly is not possible to pick up every piece of hair and dust on every surface, but I do try. I have quirks. Many of them. BUT having a baby definitely brings out in you, a better you or so you try. There is so much to learn from such a small being. She teaches me every day that there's always something to laugh about, to have something to be grateful for, to have something to look forward to, to put aside that dirty bowl because the world is not going to end if I don't clean it right this minute, to do what feels good and right to you at the moment. When did you start worrying so much about what other people thought than what felt right to you? Am I the perfect person now because I'm a mother? HA! Far far from it, but I am definitely a better person today than I was before my daughter. Not just because of the things that have changed, but really because of all the things I strive to continuously change. You are so much more aware of your shortcomings and you start to see clearly the things you want/need to fix in you to become a better figure and example in her life. My husband's mother believes that if you are a practicing Catholic who goes to church weekly, are a nurse, and live every step of your life as she has lived hers, that all would be right in this world. This makes for any disagreement very dramatic or loud and with lots of tears on her end because she firmly believes that everyone should live the life she believes is right for you. My mother, on the other hand, can appear to be (very) aloof and disinterested because she's always believed that only you know what is best for you. As a child, I don't remember it being so much that way, but as I got older, she became more part of the background and this I had some trouble understanding because she wouldn't know certain things that I think she should have known about me or wouldn't be involved in things I wanted her involved in. What I've learned from both sides is that while I may not agree with every decision my daughter will make in her life, while I will try to guide her as to what is "best" or "good", I will never put her down for wanting something different and for wanting to learn that on her own terms. On the flip side, I want to allow her to see that I am/will be her greatest supporter. Not just from behind her, but from beside her. What works for one person doesn't always work for another. What life you chose to live may not be the life someone else chooses for themselves. You also want to know that a parent would be proud to see and share the life their son/daughter built. Don't misunderstand this as criticism of either parenting. They did what they felt was best for their children. My mother did what she could on her own to raise me and I will forever admire her strength and determination. My husband's mother also did what she felt were best for her sons when I'm sure times were rough between language and cultural differences. Between the life of our two families, I want to fall somewhere in the middle. Not because either was wrong or bad, but because I have a different view on how I wish to grow as a parent. I don't want to be the parent who tries to control every aspect of my kids' lives. At the same time, I don't want my kids ever having to wonder if I am their supporter. As for my little Squirmy, I would like for her to know that I am and will always be her #1 fan; with and without disagreements. She has taught me things I would never have learned on my own. What I did know? No two lives are exactly alike. Everyone's lives have stumbled across different paths, have come across different people, believing different things, learning different lessons, to mold you into you. What I didn't know? It can all come intertwined - the extremes, the in-betweens and the oh-so-same can come together and work (well) together. You don't have to be just like or even anything like the other person to be a friend, confidante, spouse, what have you. Of the lessons, the two biggest are: a) life really isn't all black and white. There are so, so many different colors that can create a shade that fits you and your world best. My husband spent most of our marriage trying to get me to see this, and it took having a whole other human that doesn't even know how to speak for me to reach this understanding and b) life is never according to plan no matter what you think it will be or think it should be. There needs flexibility to take it as it comes. And sometimes, it is not at all a bad thing for things to happen without plan. In fact, it can be the greatest thing of all.

Who Is That?!

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Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!

Today has been one of those days. I never actually woke up this morning. Quite frankly, I'm not sure I'm fully awake now 13 and a half hours later. I've been a hot mess all day. I pulled my shoulder somehow, exhausted beyond words, my sinuses are becoming nearly unbearable, I've been falling asleep on my poor little girl throughout the day, and after she woke from every nap, I would be counting down until it was time for her next nap. What kind of mother does that? She's probably thinking "Mommy, I JUST WOKE UP! Stop putting me back to sleep!". Needless to say, she took 4 very short naps today because I was just that tired (I'm sorry baby bunny). Anyway, giving her a bath and seeing how cuddly and playful she is, I felt so so guilty, and I realized I feel guilty about something every day. I feel guilty for putting her in her jumperoo so that I can eat (on the days that I do) while she stares at me. I feel guilty that I leave her in her bouncy chair so that I can get stuff done around the house instead of playing with her. I feel guilty on days like today, when all I really want her to do is sleep so I can have some peace and quiet. I feel guilty when I've lost track of time and she's crying for her bottle because she's hungry. I feel guilty that I can't make dinner every night, or that I didn't get to clean the floors because I broke my stupid swiffer and don't feel like scrubbing on my hands and knees even though she plays on that floor. There is something to feel bad about daily, and while I know they aren't really things to feel badly about, I still do. The list can go on forver. Besides feeling guilty, she senses it when mommy's frumpy and she should be happy always. Tomorrow, I will be a better mommy. This is her getting mad at her teether hand because she couldn't fit the whole thing in her mouth. Even on bad days, there's always something to laugh about.

Hamptons Recap

Was it all fun and full of sunshiny smiles? Well, no. BUT it was a nice change of pace for the most part. Leave it to my brother in law to rent a house far too large to find anyone. You can't yell from across a room down the hall like I can when I'm home. "HONEY! I NEED THE BABY'S TOWEL!". Nope. All the response I would get in return would probably be my own voice echoing back "honey-ey-ey, i-i-i need-eed-eed the-uh-uh baby-by-by's tow-tow-el-el" and I doubt anyone would have heard from downstairs. Hm, I should have tried it out. She also clung to me like a life line any time I put her down for any reason the entire weekend. I had to bring the carseat into the house so that I could take it into the bathroom with me for her to sit in it while I go pee and she'd still cry. I think she did all her crying there to last her for some time. It was as exhausting as it was nice. Before the trip, I was super anxious because I didn't know what her first time away from home would be like, and while it didn't warrant so much of the anxiety, it definitely isn't something I would want to do again too soon. I wanted to take some more photos of the house because if you can find a quiet moment alone, it's actually pretty amazing. The house itself and the view surrounding the house is absolutely breathtaking if you can sit back and take it all in. I was a little disappointed because I didn't think I would find that window of quiet time, but luckily, I had a few moments to myself last night once she went to bed. The house has 2 media rooms, 7 bedrooms including one gigantor master suite and one slightly less gigantor (second?) suite, a ton of bathrooms all over the house, a tennis court, a playground, a putting area out front (who thought of that???), a full sized pool, and a bar. A BAR bar. Oh, the basement was full of all sorts of fun stuffs that we didn't get to play with. My brother in law rocks! Only he would think to rent out a bed and breakfast for the summer. Go figure. Crazy. We love you. Thank you.

This is literally just HALF the house

Have you ever seen this before? That's what you drive up to. I'm not much a golfer, but how COOL is that???

There's Hunter with mommy!

Here are some photos of Hunter and Leah in better spirits. Hunter would only cry when Leah would start crying. Laughter is contagious, but wow, so is sobbing.

Hunter: "Cheese!"

Leah: "Move over Hunter... He's my daddy"

Silly babies

She did love being in the pool. I'd have to say the pool was the best part of the weekend. I still find it amazing that babies have a natural ability to swim. Any time she's in the pool, you see her kicking.

"kick kick; kick kick"

There's Hunter in his little police cruiser

"Mommy, I tireds now"

Home is still truly the best place to be.

Random Mommy Crazies

I wonder every night whether new mommies have trouble sleeping even once their babies sleep well through the night. For anyone who is a new mommy that answered "no" to that, unsubscribe please because I don't like you AT ALL.

Please don't ever tell me what you do for/to/with my daughter is none of my business. In fact, what I do for/to/with my daughter is none of YOUR business. If you're not me, it actually most certainly IS my business.

Once you're a mommy, why is it so difficult to remember when you weren't a mommy? It's only actually been 6 months for me, but beyond the past 6 months, I don't much remember what it used to be like. "It" referring to life pre-baby time. What's the deal when you have kids that are like... old? Other than the fact that it must make you feel old?

I keep meaning to catch a photo of her chewing on her toes. It makes me cringe because it's rather pretty eeeew but it's hilarious because her foot, even to her, is not so tasty. Her expression says so.

Some people's babies are more important to me than others. It's unfair. I know. Don't get me wrong. They're ALL super cute and adorable. I just adore some more than I do others. Mine especially, but that goes without saying because I did say specifically "some people" meaning other people. Pffft, you can't tell me your kid isn't the cutest, most delicious child to you because then you'd be lying. If you can say that without emotionally flinching, again, please unsubscribe. There's something wrong with you and I don't want to be your friend. You might steal my baby.

Showers: Bridal/baby/whatever showers. Why is what should be the most funnest event be THE most stressful event of them all? I'm not attending any other future weddings (less two) and maybe I'll drop in on a handful of showers. Big stinking fat m.a.y.b.e at that. Leah is my reason. Whatever you throw at me, she will bail me out. I love my baby. There are so many reasons to love her.

I would really like to sleep at a reasonable hour one of these days.

I could probably get in some hours for work, but we're reformatting our computer soon (the hub said so), and that would just mean more stuff to back up to the hard-drive and transfer back so... yeah, eBay, Amazon and Blogger it shall remain until then. Sorry boss man.

I lost my favorite hair clippy for Leah. I hope I find it before she does. Better yet, if it must be lost, I hope I lost it outside somewhere. And FYI psycho ee-mo (you know who you are), I put clippies in her hair because yes, I love them, but also because her hair gets in her eyes so they do in fact serve a purpose. OKAY?!

Someone today mentioned she would never have pegged me for the blogger "type". I asked why and she gave me a non-response like response of "I don't know. I just know you're not the type" or something along those lines. What exactly is a blogger "type"? I dunno. I just invited her to subscribe today, but now that I'm thinking about it, I may just have to uninvite her. If you're reading this, I'm debating on breaking up with you. Weirdo.

Okay, that's about all I was able to make out of the stuff flushing out of me noggin. On an end note, because what's a blog with no photo? Here's Leah! I finally caught her on camera doing her PLLLLLLL act (I seriously don't know what else to call it) and cripers, what is it with peas landing on everything? Why only peas and not carrots, or avocado, or sweet potatoes? Why must it always be pea stains?

The Mommy List

The best things about being a mommy:

• You wake up to see a smiling face EVERY day, all throughout the day
• She dozes in your arms with her hand resting on your cheek, as if to make sure you're still there
• She snuggles up to your nose and thinks it's the funniest thing in the world when you kiss her
• She gets super hyper whenever she sees a bottle. Even if there's nothing in it
• There are endless outfits to put her in, and she's adorable to look at no matter what she's wearing
• If you put her in bed with you, she just snuggles up to your side and you snooze off together
• She makes the funniest noises and faces and makes herself laugh
• She makes the funniest noises and faces and makes you laugh
• She makes your heart smile every time you look at her. Even if she's only sleeping
• She thinks you are the one sole most important person in her life and her eyes reach you absorbing everything
• Her eyes speak volumes
• She has her own way of saying "I love you" even though she can't actually speak the words and it melts you

...and the list is endless. Don't get me wrong. It isn't all rainbows, unicorns, butterflies and sunshine all the time, and the list of the not-so-good aren't quite as short as I'd like to pretend it is, but you tend not to think of them as often. It's the reason I can call her "Band-Aid" and mean it. The good list still far outweigh the bad, and that's what makes moments like this

and this

so laughable even if you've already gone through three loads of laundry for the day and you've JUST finished washing the bouncer seat that now the pulverized peas comfortably lay. 

Because there's always this

Swimmer Sunday

We look forward to our weekly swimming day on Sundays, but it's also the most tiring day out of the week. For both of us. She poops out rather early for the night and me, well, I usually feel like I've been run over by a semi. So. So. Sore. Today more so than any other day. It's probably a combination of lack of sleep (according to some people, I'm the one who needs sleep training), hunger, and focusing super hard to not drown my daughter. But it sure is an awful lot of fun.

"Mommy, can we go now?"

"What we waiting for mommy??"

She cries briefly at first every time because while the pool is heated, it's still pretty cool at first.

"BRRRR! Mommy it's cooold!"

Once she gets used to the temperature, however.....

My lazy little munchkin. She just leans back on my shoulder and floats on along....

"Look! I swimming!"

Here we are learning to kick and blow bubbbbles while chasing after the orange crab toy.

Mina has an eye on that runaway ball!

Time to go home!

Ouchie!

It was her 6th month appointment with the doctor, which meant needles and tears. You would think it gets easier at each appointment, but it doesn't. Not for her. Not for me. An ouchie on each of her little legs. Good news is, after her 6th month, she doesn't have to see him again until September.

But once we were home, she was her happy little self again. Well, for the most part. Here she was getting a little angry because the ball wouldn't fit into her mouth?

So we moved on over to the playmat, and while I went to grab something to eat, she somehow got tangled in there:

Next was her Bumbo. It's broke-ed. Well, the chair is fine obviously, but she somehow pulled the tray off its stand, and was pretty intent on trying to get that in her mouth somehow:

And the reason why she has different outfits on in different pictures all in a day? She drools. I don't just mean a spittle or two. I mean her entire front gets soaked through kind of drooling where for a trip out for an hour or two, I pack with me at least two dry onesies and generally use them both wishing I'd brought an extra. Why don't I use a bib? I do. All 10-15 of them per day.

Mommy, I Can Feed Myself!

"Yummmy"

"Mine!"

"Let go of my spoon!"

Spa Castle

To start, HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY! The fireworks in our neighborhood is making me nutso. Luckily, it's not waking the baby too much. I feel like going out there and pouring water all over my neighbors.

Saturday, we spent the entire day at spa castle. Can I tell you, anyone with children should go. It is the best way to spend the day. The kiddie pool is perfect for the little ones and if you take a friend, parent or husband, you can take turns watching the baby and doing your own spa things. We spent most of our time in the kiddie pool and well, eating. I'm still tired from yesterday.

It is a spa after all. She had to have the head gear for it!

Mina with mommy

Squirmy with mommy

Definitely fun times. On days you're running out of things to do with a little one, it really is such a great way to spend time. Heated pool, sleep area, food. Everything you need all in one place. Awesome.

Grandmammy Day

We spent today with grammers and grampers. Uncle Andrew swung by briefly, made you cry, and then ran away to his Hamptons home for the weekend to celebrate July 4th. He probably peed all the way there because he didn't know what to do after he made you cry. Grampers makes you cry too because he has such a booming voice, but you always warm up to him eventually.