Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!

Today has been one of those days. I never actually woke up this morning. Quite frankly, I'm not sure I'm fully awake now 13 and a half hours later. I've been a hot mess all day. I pulled my shoulder somehow, exhausted beyond words, my sinuses are becoming nearly unbearable, I've been falling asleep on my poor little girl throughout the day, and after she woke from every nap, I would be counting down until it was time for her next nap. What kind of mother does that? She's probably thinking "Mommy, I JUST WOKE UP! Stop putting me back to sleep!". Needless to say, she took 4 very short naps today because I was just that tired (I'm sorry baby bunny). Anyway, giving her a bath and seeing how cuddly and playful she is, I felt so so guilty, and I realized I feel guilty about something every day. I feel guilty for putting her in her jumperoo so that I can eat (on the days that I do) while she stares at me. I feel guilty that I leave her in her bouncy chair so that I can get stuff done around the house instead of playing with her. I feel guilty on days like today, when all I really want her to do is sleep so I can have some peace and quiet. I feel guilty when I've lost track of time and she's crying for her bottle because she's hungry. I feel guilty that I can't make dinner every night, or that I didn't get to clean the floors because I broke my stupid swiffer and don't feel like scrubbing on my hands and knees even though she plays on that floor. There is something to feel bad about daily, and while I know they aren't really things to feel badly about, I still do. The list can go on forver. Besides feeling guilty, she senses it when mommy's frumpy and she should be happy always. Tomorrow, I will be a better mommy. This is her getting mad at her teether hand because she couldn't fit the whole thing in her mouth. Even on bad days, there's always something to laugh about.

2 comments:

  1. It's about to go up her nose!

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  2. Don't feel guilty, Val. You're an awesome mom. No doubt about that.

    Hope you feel better soon! I miss you. Love you!

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