Merry Christmas

Wishing you and your loved ones a very Happy Holiday season. Cheers!

It's Not Easy Being Baby!

Our heat was out for about 3 days. It started making some really loud, really strange noises and then it kapooted completely late Friday. Maybe it was Saturday? That would make it 2 days. I have no concept of time. They finally got it up and running again last night. We had so many space heaters going at once that the heaters would randomly short circuit something else. I can't say it was horrible, but it certainly wasn't fun. Now Squirmy's got a full blown cold. Can't say it's slowed her down any, but she's got a hacky cough and fountain nose.

It felt cold enough for me to keep a hat on her all weekend layered in all sorts of fleece

Dressed to take a trip to the Ped. This is a size 12-18 months. Should have gone down a size, yeah? She looks mighty toasty in there, but it can't be all too comfortable wearing it when you're pint sized and stuck in a car seat.

We, as adults, often complain about how tough things are - but it isn't so easy being small. You're not allowed to play with anything fun (i.e. forks, knives, garbage cans), people grab you by your arm pits to make you go where they want you to, they dress you funny, and your butt is bare at least a dozen times a day between diaper changes.

'Tis The Season

So as tradition goes, we do Christmas a week before Christmas Day with his family. The holidays with baby definitely means it is really ALL about baby. She was so wired after everyone left, she was beside herself. Sleepy, but excited. Excited, but exhausted. Squirmy got lots o' goodies, but I must say, when you have a kid under the age of 3, all they need really is the box the toy came in and the wrapping paper it was wrapped with and they're pretty golden.

That's a cow rocker. How cool is that?!? I want one for big peoples next year:

 Here is Squirmy having herself a ball with the wrapping paper. Who needs toys?

 And again here, but with tissue paper

Since we got the festivities overwith early, we got to spend a nice quiet Sunday. Conversation following this photo between Husband and myself:

Husband: Let her play with your phone instead

Myself: What? Why??

Husband: Yours is under insurance...

You know what she's playing on his phone? Angry Birds. If you have an android phone, download it. I don't know what it does really, but Husband is addicted. Must be fun stuff. Or it could just be that he's easily amused - as is Squirmy.

Doesn't it look, though, as if she knows exactly what she's doing?

My very proud Squirmy and her million dollar cheeks sporting her crazies hair.

As a gift to myself (although I didn't know it at the time), is reading a book called "The Happiest Toddler on The Block". You see, Squirmy is getting to that stage of pushing limits and "checking in" certain behaviors to see if they are or aren't okay. I was given this book from I-don't-know-who when I was pregnant and had forgotten all about it until now. It is not only a great read to give someone a glimpse of the world in the view of a non-verbal mini toddle baby person, it is a great book of learning new and hopefully effective communicating techniques, period. Combine this with baby signing and I think I, as well as Squirmy, will be much more satisfied. Let's face it, there are days where I wish I can shake out of her what exactly it is she needs from me to make it - whatever "it" happens to be at the moment - better.

Luck

Yes, we've been lucky. I have been lucky. My kid sleeps well through the night. 6PM to 7AM or 7PM to 8AM. Sure, there are exceptions like the night before where she all of a sudden wants to play while half the world on this side of the globe isn't even awake, but they are very rare. In fact, it's months apart that when it does, I easily roll with it because it's that uncommon. I will schlep my not-yet-slept butt downstairs to entertain her and be her donkey. Yes, there are some nights she wakes up and looks for the binky that popped out of her mouth but she goes right back down after rolling around in search of it as long as she finds it. My kid is an eater. She will eat anything. It doesn't even necessarily need to be edible either. My foam letter floor rainbow mats are proof of that. We went from bottle to sippy (well, 2 of the 4 bottles have been replaced) with nothing more than a big fat sigh as protest. What does she care? It's food. She is, for the most part, an all around, content baby. I take no credit. It's temperament; not parenting. She's not programmed by me. She is just her. Some kids are flexible, some are not. She is in the sleep and food department. Not to say she doesn't want to make me pull all my hair out in other ways because she does, and I'm convinced she wants to give me a heartattack at an early age by climbing and falling and climbing and falling and climbing - yeah you get the point - but the sleep and eating part was a big thing for me and I did get lucky there. Now... dum dee dum dum... I am trying to wean her of the binky, and it is guaranteed to be not so fun. I have been putting it off. At 4 months, I said I would at 5; At 5 months, I said I would at 6. Well it's month 12, and she's still chomping away. Don't get me wrong, she never uses it during the day, but it's surely her sleep aid, and I don't know how to take it away. Yep, I've googled "how to wean your baby off pacifier" and got a gazillion hits, but but but she's never had to cry-it-out anything, and I don't feel like I can avoid it this time around. Luck, where are you?

Utter Ramblings

I squirted shampoo in my eyeball. That is some serious aim. Well, at least my eyeball is squeaky clean.

The term "busy bored" has never been truer. Yes, it's a made up word. Yes, I made it up when I used to work and things got redundant. Boy, was I wrong because working outside the home is anything but that - in comparison. Yes, I live groundhog day, but I rejoice in the fact that it is at least with a person who always smells like honey and cinnamon and something sweet.

I crack up every time Little walks towards me. She walks like she's a drunk person and who would've thought I would find it to be the cutest thing?

I need to register her for Gymboree. You start losing it after having stayed home for an "x" amount of time.

I haven't slept more than an hour and a half because she woke up as I was about to go to bed - wanting a bottle. And then wanting to play.

Final thought? She's just lucky she's mine and cute. Crud, I'm tired.

Tomorrow begins our Christmas. Yep, we're eager beavers like that.

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~ "Ohhh, The Weather Outside is Frightful........."~

Ah, we've officially entered hibernation mode. What can you do with a bouncing-off-the-wall baby in weather so bone-chillingly cold? Nada. You turn up the heat, turn on some Baby Mozart, and hope to come up for air every so often. Here's a conversation I had with a friend today:

Me: Save me
Friend: From what?
Me: Winter
Friend: Are you home?
Me: Yes
Friend: Then shut up
Me: Oh. Okay

That pretty much sums it up. I can't complain when I'm in the house nice and toasty and she's wearing knee high socks with pants she never wears because it really is that cold out. Talk about putting things into perspective.

Mommy Care

So I randomly came across a mommy in cyberworld that has a younger baby (6 months?) than Leah who also live somewhere in New York (City) - I think, anyway. Because I want to teach Little a tad bit about independence (this girl is all and only Team Mommy right now and doesn't really have the same interaction with other Little beings as she would in a "school" environment), I wanted to see if I can dig up a little information on part time UPK's, "school-like" daycares, etc. (Nothing crazy. A place that may take Little for two hours a day, once or twice a week) in the area because she (cyberworld mommy) recently mentioned something about looking for a daycare for her daughter and I am under the assumption that she found one. And you know, no response. Then I thought about it some. I wouldn't have responded either. Who wants to share information as to where they leave their precious cargo for the better part of the day to another someone who may or may not be who they say they are? Strike. It's just that I, for the first time in my life have been forced to admit that, Google may not know everything afterall. It is a sad day for me. Oh, Google, how you disappoint me. I should also add to this, I love that my baby is Team Mommy because I'm Team Baby, too. It's really that if it becomes severe dependency, it is unhealthy and I want her to be a good balanced kid, ya know? But after much research and brainstorming, she may still be a little young for it and I need not worry just yet, so I enrolled her into Gymboree instead. This way, she can still learn to play (hopefully, well) with her own age group; understand that Mommy may leave, but Mommy comes back; and for crying out loud, it's okay if Mommy is not in baby's direct vision at all times. It doesn't mean Mommy vanished... Mommy just needed to pee. Playdates are wonderful but because it's in a controlled environment of "comfort", it doesn't have the same effect of having a neutral environment where they are "forced" to learn to problem solve, learn to share, learn to communicate with eachother in a place outside of what they are normally used to. Besides, let's face it, playdates among friends are for us (read: me) big folks as much as it is for the little ones because it makes us (read: me) feel like we (read: I) have someone to relate to that can verbally communicate with you (read: me) instead of throwing their sippy cup at you (definitely, read: me) in response.

Moving onto (yes, we did the cheesy Santa thing):

So, which Christmas card did you get in the mail from us? Oh, you didn't? Sorry, it's because someone (Hi, Unnie! =] I know you're reading. SILENT STALKER!) mentioned that she hates photo cards because she couldn't throw them out without feeling badly so I was trying to save her the trouble, but here are the pics used for the ones that were sent out. Does it feel like Christmas yet? For those normal people who sleep nights, it's snowing out (in New York - Jen, is it also snowing in Cow Town?). It's pretty now, cottony and fluffy, but... my first thought? "Great, just what I need. One more reason to have even less things to do with my super active almost 1-year old".

Play on "Life"

Sure she is cute and cuddly and delicious. Now. What of me when she is no longer the baby? Yeah, I know, live in the moment and for the most part, I do. Really, I love being the right here and now mommy. But the mommy/wife title aside, what, if anything, will remain of me? I love that I had a daughter so I hope this will not be misleading, but sometimes I feel bad that she's a girl. If she were to marry, I hope it is not into a Korean family. Is that bad of me? True, every marriage is an uphill effort at one point or another. It is all about failing and trying again and again and making mistakes and redeeming yourself. That in and of itself is a challenege without having to throw in the mix of trying to please each and every "adult" (No, we are not adults. We are just bigger children playing house) in the traditional sense and you being, or having to learn to be, okay with it (to wish for her to embrace the tradition, that's a different topic for a different day). I chose to be a mommy who stays home during the first year at the very least, if not much longer. No nanny. No daycare. Me. Full time mom. I have no regrets and I would choose to be a stay at home mom if I were to do this all over again even knowing what I know now. But... BUT... This is not what I would want for Leah. I want more for her. I want her to be more. Have more. Know more. I do not wish for her to wake up one day and think "what now" because she didn't go as far as she was capable of in life. Mommy greed? Abso-stinking-lutely. - Yeah, okay, I talk about how I should be grateful and in comparison to many families out there with problems with severities I can't even begin to comprehend, yes, our life is pretty wonderful. That, however, does not mean that I don't have worries and complaints of my own in my standard every day life. Not all is well and great as it appears to be when compared to those less fortunate. I've got my own problems. I'm allowed a crap day. Or several for that matter. I failed today. Specifically, I feel like I failed Leah today. Life (not just marriage) is all about trying - again and again and again and again; and sometimes, it means continuing to try even when you know, you will not win because winning means you still lose. How about that for a pissed off mommy post.

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Big Girl Cup

I believe we are successful. Bittersweet.... Weaning of the bottle battle is half won. And before you berate me, she is teary eyed because she had just woken up. NOT because I made her cry. Just saying~~~

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Newness

Welcome all of the 6lb 5oz 20 inches of Chloe! I get to meet her tomorrow! I still remember the day Leah was born. The tiny, so very skinny little baby who was angrily crying for being disturbed out of a safe, warm place. 11-months later, here we are a bundle of energy, laughter, silliness and a chock full of attitude. She is the very core of my breath and my life. I was staring at my phone all day for the good news of mom and baby to come (and i mean ALL.DAMN.DAY), and I couldn't help but feel a pang of something else. Envy possibly with a little bit of sad mixed in? Because that joy, that first moment cradling your tiny, helpless baby, that on-top-of-the-world feeling of awe and shock as though you're floating - now that is immeausurable. While then it was the awe, the happy shock, the incredible feeling of pride and overwhelming feelings of responsibility, now it's a different kind. The intensity of those feelings do not wither. While the newness stage passes you by at lightening speed, I still look at my Little and feel things I can't ever really put into words to convey accurately. There aren't enough languages in the world to describe what Leah is and means to me. Today was one of our rougher days. I woke up feeling like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I was so exhausted that while trying to put Little down for a nap, I fell asleep sitting down, leaning on the wall, cradling her for an hour (I don't know why I was even in that position at all and woke to my arms, shoulders and a$$ feeling all sorts of achy and bruised. How did I keep from dropping her - I do not know). But I look over now and steal glances at the baby monitor just to make sure she's doing okay, and think to self - while she is no longer that 6-pounder little being, she is now the 20-pounder root of my pride and joy who surprises me endlessly day after day with the new things she finds to do, new ways of showing affection, new ways of communicating. So yes, time to time, I miss the newness of having a newborn in my arms (and not just because they're stationary, much quieter and lighter in weight either - although it does make things a bit easier) but if I had the option to turn the clock back, I wouldn't. I couldn't bear to miss out on all the things my bigger Little does today. But the news of Chloe? I can't say it didn't make me want #2. If just for a second. But then, I feel that kink in my back and shoulders from today and it snaps me back to reality. The heck would I do outnumbered? I'll just have to inhale some of Chloe tomorrow instead and be satisfied with that.