Tuesday, April 10, 2012

What If...

...I'm doing this all wrong - is a question I ask myself frequently. I've probably mentioned this before, I wish when I was walking out of that hospital with a newborn baby to take home, that they'd have tucked me in a manual along with the samples of diapers and formula they sent me home with. Happy Mommy; Happy Baby, right? At least sounds about right? That for the most part is a theory I firmly believe in, but comes with it a rather delicate balance and a trunkful of guilt. Tons, really. Some days are hard because babies are naturally narcissists - that want and need whatever it is right then and there. I think it's healthy to nurture some parts of that narcissism. Sometimes you cave just because you don't think you can survive another second of the whine-turning-tantrum first thing in the morning and it is a "here you go, please be quiet. Mommy needs coffee - right.this.very.second.or.mommy.is.going.to.lose.it". Other times you battle with them to teach them boundaries, out of principle or because they're attempting to dive off the couch because they think they can fly and you just don't see it ending well. The balance of it is difficult. Sometimes what you want interferes with what you feel they need. Sometimes what they want means you set aside what you want for the moment. Sometimes what they want you just can't bring yourself to do because you're exhausted and then the guilt settles in nice and thick so you lose anyway. Other times - you don't want anything at all because you see that perfect to you creation and wonder what more you could possibly want in this world except that reality doesn't quite work that way, ya know? Am I making any sense here? I told you... Writer's block. End conclusion? I need that fricking manual. With that said - here are some of my "I need nothing else in this world" moment pictures. Of course, right following that was a full blown tantrum that made me forget that it's all I want in life. It's hard to remember that and smile when your kid is shrieking at the top of her lungs and "nooooooo"-ing you all the way to the car that seems so damn far away than where you thought you parked it.

I love this view

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

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