Tuesday, February 16, 2010


If you're looking for a happy, pick-me-up post, please leave. I'm a pretty cold person. I don't care about a lot of things most people think I should care about. I'm also not very people friendly. If I meet you and I don't like the vibe I get, chances are likely that I will probably never be friends with you. If we are already friends and we haven't spoken in over a year, chances are, I have not made an effort to do so because I have not cared enough. If I feel I was un-justly treated or spoken to, I probably will never really like you again. The only person it does not always apply to, it seems, is my husband. These are not things I am proud of and they most certainly are not things I want my daughter to learn and maybe being this way does make me a not so good of a person. Make an effort to change? Late, maybe, but I try. Since Squirmy's come along, every week we have had visitors. EVERY week and weekend. It's tough especially because I am really not a constant people person. It's not easy having a newborn and a new life to adjust to. It has been 7 weeks and all I want is to be left alone to learn to be a family - just us 3 - before including the rest of the world. Parents, friends, acquaintances alike - unless we're specifically doing the inviting because we want your company. It's tiring playing hostess and it's tiring having to pick up after having people over for hours at a time when the most sleep I've gotten in the last 7 weeks were probably a total of 4 consecutive hours and that's a big fat maybe. With the little bit of broken me-time I have when hubs is working, if I feel like a blog so I can post pictures of my little one, that's what I'll do. This alone takes hours some days between feedings, diaper changes, burping, cleaning, cooking, sterilizing bottles, vacuuming, laundry on top of what seems to be a million other things I am required to do. I do it because I want to. If I feel like sleeping for the 15 spare minutes I am left with before she wakes again, that's what I will try to do. If I'm going stir-crazy from staying home too many days, I take her out because she sleeps whenever we go out leaving me with a little more me-time that I crave. If I feel like doing nothing but stare off into nothingness attempting to burn a hole in my ceiling, that's what I intend to do. I am not obligated to answer every single phone call I receive. I am not obligated to return every single phone call either. I am not obligated to answer to anyone about what I am doing with my days. I have NO obligation to anyone except my baby and my husband. I am exhausted and frustrated and aggravated with everyone today. What keeps me going with half a smile is this face.

1 comment:

  1. I know exactly well almost how you feel. We constantly have my parents or Jean's parents visit almost every single day on top of our friends and family. We actually don't mind people coming over because Hunter seems to enjoy their company. Plus, he seems to be on his best behavior. But every now and then I too wish we could have sometime alone so we could go through the growing pains and joys of developing into a family. FYI - I really like your blog and look forward to it on a daily basis.