She is...

6 months today!

To my little band-aid (because you fix everything that hurts): What I realized today is that I keep comparing you to how small you were when we first brought you home, but in truth, you are still pretty pint-sized. The bones in your fingers are still so little, so fragile. Your entire arm is only the length of my own hand from the tip of my thumb to my pinky; your feet barely the length of one finger. You still cry when something scares you or if you can't see me from behind the kitchen wall. You are slowly becoming quite the character. Any time I try to catch you on video, you stop whatever it was that you were doing and put on this great big innocent smile. You've stuck your toe in your mouth a time or two (eeew) and you are starting to sit on your own as of yesterday. Not for very long, but long enough. You gurgle and have learned to blow spit bubbles. Lots of them. You especially do this when I leave you alone for too long or if mommy is trying to feed you something and you're feeling full. I'm convinced daddy taught you this even though I'm pretty sure he'd say it wasn't him. You started laughing at anything and everything. Not only do you know how to turn over onto your belly, you know to turn back, and you can now turn to both sides. You've come such a long way, little girl, and there are so many more days I am looking forward to as you reach your little milestones and all your very first everythings.  

I was putting her to sleep today, and she was putting up such a fight that I finally gave up and cradled her to sleep, and realized, she really is still so little. Happy 6th month!

***ON A SIDE NOTE: HAPPY BIRFDAY, AUNTIE LOUISE!***

Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba Gurgle Gurgle PLLLLL

She talks to the ducky. Like, has a conversation kind of babbling going on. It's the funniest thing

She even reaches out to pet him while she blows spit on his face

And of course, once she realizes the camera is on her, it stops instantaneously. I didn't even bother trying to catch it on video... "What mommy? You say something?"

I know there will come a day that this little girl will grow up and scream at me how unfair I am. I will hear her calling to complain to her friends how mom "just doesn't get it" and my heart will probably break into a little black hole. I know that between now and then, there may come a time where she will be teased in school for one reason or another and again, my heart will break for her because I will not be able to fix everything, and as a mom, you feel like you should be able to. Every so often I will take myself there. The what-ifs of all the scaries in life. The stairs, the streets, the strangers, the mean kids in school, the milestones to reach, and I wish like hell that I can kiss away all her sadness, her hurts, her scares. I will be consumed with sadness to ever have to watch her struggle, to hurt, to learn to strive on her own, but I know that the day will come. Just that knowledge alone allows me to take in every bit of her now. My tired days, my frumpy days, the days I don't feel so well, somehow does not interfere where she is concerned. Stories like these also make you want to hold on to your baby just a little tighter wherever you go, whatever you're doing because you end up consumed with the worry that somehow you will lose her. I know for sure when this family set out for a day in the park, they did not in their worst nightmare, imagine that they would have to return home without their little baby.

I Swim!

Okay, here we go again. I say again because I just wrote this big old blog with pictures, somehow clicked on the back button, and the whole thing deleted. I get smarter daily, I tell ya.

Anyway, we had our first swim day today. She was in tears at first, and so we hung around the steps for the first 10 minutes or so. What finally lured her in was this plastic bubble ring. I let her gnaw on it while cringing inside because I wasn't sure that it was really all too clean (Ick!). Step by step, we were able to get into the pool. The water is warmer to accomodate babies and younger children, but it's still much cooler than your normal bath water. That and a combination of all the people and commotion, she freaked out a bit. That ring she's holding onto in the photo was the reason she was in there at all without losing her wits. She was clinging to that thing like it was going to save her from all the craziness going on around her. (I don't know what that expression is on my face. Seriously. Why do I look like that?):

You can't see it from the picture, but there was a little machine blowing out bubbles and she was captivated:

That arm belongs to one of the instructors. Leah obviously does not care. There are bubbles and she has a ring to chew on. I'm not sure she even cared I was there by this point. Look at that face! How intent is she on trying to get that whole thing in her mouth?:

That is Mina. She, too, looked as though she were going to lose her every wit when her mommy brought her in at first, but by the time we were leaving, she was sorry to have to go. I think we all were. Maybe by the next time Papa Bear can make it to take more photos of us, she'll be ready to smile for the camera. (I don't know who that dude is next to us, but he just ruined our perfectly great photo. I'm going to have to crop him out. Weirdo):

Here's a random video of little Leah:

And to prove how much smarter I get daily? I lost.........

....almost. After swimming, I gave my tired little munchkin her bath. I don't usually wear my ring around the house for this very reason. I got soap stuck in it so I took it off and put it beside her tub on a paper towel. I, of course, forgot all about it because after her bath was her nap, then dinner, then... you get the idea. Long story short, I just dug our dinner out of the garbage can to find the piece of paper towel I had my wedding band laying on. The Hub was a good enough sport to hold a garbage bag open for me so I can transfer all the nasty garbage from one bag to another without chastising me for being careless. I sho Smaht! *Sigh*

Look At Me!

Squirmy is definitely growing her own little personality. She's rather easy going, very silly and so, so happy. Everything is so new and funny to her. Even the same old walk down the same old block seems to be a thrill for her. Today wasn't anything special. We took a trip out to Babies R Us and Target, but it was such a fun day.

That's her chew toy bear (I just made it sound like a dog toy). It's a teether bear. The bear makes these crinkly noises and his paws are made of plasticky teether things. She was playing with it, dropped it on herself covering her one eye and she just started cracking up by herself:

She also finds it funny to flip over on her belly mid-diaper change. Maybe it's my reaction to it. She can't seem to help herself. If she's laying down, she needs to be on her belly. Even if it means 5-minutes later she'll be whimpering because she's tired of having to hold her head up. She knows how to turn back over. She just ... won't. Silly girl.

Squirmy: "Food?! That's my food, isn't it??? *pant pant* That's my bottle! i.can.get.it.i.can.get.it.i.can.get.it..."

She can sit for about 30 seconds. That's a pretty long time I think for a baby that has no self back support, but she's never happy doing the tripod. In fact, a second after this photo was taken, she was getting a bit angry.

"Mommy, please stop making me do the tripod. It's sooooo annoying" (Guess who she picked that up from?).

This here was what she was wearing as a dress today. We were about to take a bath when it got stuck on her head while I was trying to pull it off because she was leaning on it and she flew into a fit of giggles, which got me started, and so she sat with her dress flipped over on her head until mommy finally stopped laughing to get it off. The photos are a little shaky because I was laughing pretty hard at this point. It wasn't all that funny, but it was definitely one of those "laughter is contagious moments". She started giggling, I started laughing, then she started laughing, and we were both just cracking up:

These are the times you just so enjoy being a mommy.

Who Taught You That?

Okay, so her 6th month is approaching, and can I tell you? Babies do the strangest things, and you have no idea where they pick it up. It's a nature-brings-it-on type of thing. At one point about a month ago, she started yelling. I don't mean just yelling loudly. The shrieking at the top of her lungs, ear piercing, aching type of yelling. I let it go a few days. Even found it amusing. Then I just couldn't stand it anymore. It began to sound something like a non-stop tire screeching, and as cute as I think she is, it is not the most pleasant thing to listen to ALL day. So I started tapping her lightly on the mouth every time she would begin shrieking. In the beginning, I felt bad, but when I didn't do it, her shrieking started to get louder and louder and I was ready to start doing some shrieking of my own if she didn't stop. Anyway, after about a week, she got the point. Now she makes this little "bahhhhh" sound instead. It's not loud. She just kind of calls out for you. Who knows what she's actually saying because I'm convinced all babies have a language of their own. I honestly feel that when she's bahhh-ing or guhhhh-ing, it actually means something. Knowing what those sounds mean is a different story. Then as of a week ago, she started smacking her lips together and making this smooching sound whenever she was done eating or whenever she's happy - which is really almost all of the time except when she's hungry. It's hilarious. Yesterday (or it may have been the day before) I woke up to this "PLLLLLL" sound over the monitor. I was still half asleep at this point. Wondering what that sound was, I grabbed the monitor and just stared at it for a while. This little girl is laying in her crib blowing spit bubbles going "PLLLLL". I go into the nursery to get her, and she gives me this big old grin, but she is SOPPING wet. I mean her entire top is wet from all the spit bubbles she was blowing to entertain herself while sleepy mummy was taking her sweet time getting her daughter out of her caged crib to feed her breakfast. I don't know where they pick this stuff up, but I have to say, it's fun. Everyday she does something new, and you can't help but wonder, where does she get it? I have a video of her doing this, but it's of course on my phone and I don't know how to work the thing to properly load it onto this thing... so... yeah. You'll just have to take my word for it. I'll leave you with my favorite time photo instead:

Her bathtime is part of her bedtime routine every night. I soap her up one day and give her a bird bath the next. It started off as a routine for her to know bedtime. It does its magic truly, but it ended up that I love this part of my day too much to stop doing it. Today I realized, she's getting big so quickly and she may not fit into this tub much longer.... *sniff sniff*

Baby's World

It truly is her world

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A Reminder List

Most of my friends already know this, but with Squirmy, I want her to myself for a good 3 years before we think about #2, and after that, I don't care in what order they come. Once another baby comes, it will never again be mommy and baby or just a family of 3 with one main focus - HER. As a stay at home mummy, I will always be outnumbered. I want to spend as much time with her one-on-one as I possibly can. This sounds unfair to #2, #3, and #4, but it is true. Anyway, by then, the days of counting how many ounces of formula or cereal Leah takes per day, or how often she takes her bottle or what time of day I give her solids will be a blur, I think. So, I've kept a little journal of how often she eats, but I think I will start on a mini-journal of all the little things I use on a daily basis with her. You don't think about the type of teether (texture); burp cloths (absorbent? soft? terry? flannel?); cloth wipes (absorbent? stain resistant? texture?); bibs (must be somewhat water resistant once they start teething or you go through 12 outfits a day - frustrating for mommy and baby!); the stores that sell them and the stores that do not. These are not your first thoughts as a first time parent when starting a registry for a new baby-to-come. You focus on furniture, decor, color theme, animal theme, the kind of bassinet and/or crib you want, baby monitors, etc. The thing is, the little stuff I use day to day are really what gets us both started on an easier path than it would otherwise. I got to thinking about this because my co-worker is having her first in September, and she was asking for suggestions. So I thought about all the things I use for her daily and why. Then I realized, I may not remember all this by the time I have another baby. Anyway, I want this little girl to myself for as long as I can before my clock really starts ticking, and you know what, I luckily do have some time before then. Anyway, since my city-dweller friend has been complaining about how lazy I've become with updating photos lately when she doesn't get to see Squirmy as often (as if this were MY fault somehow) here are some pics:

I love these little toes....

Help, I'm Brilliant!

I washed a diaper. I'm not talking about the cloth diapers that you're supposed to wash which would have had a far better outcome - good for you moms who chose your cloth dipeys. I washed a disposable, throw it away after one use kind of diaper, in the washing machine. Pampers, to be exact. The result? Thousands of tiny little gel beanie particles all over every piece of article that was put into the wash. How did this happen? Well, we have a diaper genie on one side and the baby's hamper on the other. Instead of throwing away (thank goodness it appears to have been a wet diaper instead of a poopie diaper!) the diaper, ended up in the hamper because YES, I AM THAT BRILLIANT! (If you look at the first photo off this entry, you'll know what I mean...) Fantastic, isn't it? I never realized how HUGE a diaper can grow in size when they have a full drink of endless amount of water. It bloats. Look at that thing!

When I realized what I'd done, I wanted to sit on the kitchen floor and cry while staring at my washing machine. Then I took one look at that stupid bloated diaper, and well, what can ya do so I took pictures of it instead to share my funny of the day with you. I'm currently running my washer for the third time with salt and oxi-clean because that's what google told me to do and you know, google knows everything? I'll probably be up most of the night now re-running the wash and boiling all the stuff that was in there until I feel better about growing stupid.

Here was my day before the above disaster:

That below is our bouncer seat. This is where she eats. The bouncer didn't have a seat all morning because she wanted to pour all her cereal onto it. That's what it looks like naked:

So she had to finish her breakfast here on a real highchair. That's her chewing on her banana toothbrush while mommy goes and makes another bowl of cereal for her. Doesn't she look all sorts of innocent?:

Then over last weekend, our little friend Brian...

showed us he can hold his own bottle so we tried it too:

But like most days.... it was all fun times (minus my diaper washing incident - wasn't really all that funny to me at the time, but I'm over it. It's okay. I'd laugh at you too if you did the same):

She's so super cool!

Mommy Me

I need to start this off by clearly conveying to you that I love everything about mommyhood. I love that I wake up to her grinning face, I love that she's mine, I love that she's so happy all the time, I love that she's playful, and healthy, and oh, she has a new tooth coming in and she's still such a happy little thing! I love every blessed moment of it. I love it so much that I want 4 kids. Yes. FOUR. With that said, it also means to lose a little of me. I used to have a job. Not a stay-at-home, work a few hours a day in between naps (if that), kind of job. A real one where I actually woke up, dressed, got to wear heels, logged in, have my own office/cube, kind of job. I used to have my own space - at home and out. I used to meet my friends. While I still meet them (in fact, I probably see a lot more of them a lot more often than I used to), but they're no longer really around to see me (Leah is, afterall, wayyyy cuter and funner to play with). No longer dinners, a cup of coffee, even a glass of wine on a whim. Hub and I used to go on dates, fishing, flying, sun-bathing, without worrying about who would watch little Squirmy (not that I'm even willing to leave her with anyone. Well, maybe one person, and only because she has a daughter of her own and only if I absolutely needed to). I was never big on partying or drinking so it really isn't that part of "life" I miss. "Miss" isn't even an accurate word because I don't at all miss going out, only I can't think of a better word. Yes, I can still do those things, but it's different. I choose to stay with her if I can help it because I want to. I stay home days at a time without going out because I don't want to interfere with her naps. If she doesn't nap well, she doesn't sleep nights as well, and it takes a night or two to get her back around. It isn't worth it to me. Early on, I took her out constantly. One, she was smaller, lighter and easier because she slept through everything and I didn't need a whole lot of stuff to take with me. Not so much anymore. Two, I heard then, that getting her used to different places and people helps avoid stranger and separation anxiety. False. It has no bearing. Besides, going out means spending money, and I have no job (the part-time I have hardly constitutes as one), and thus, no money to spend. Three, I'm tired and it is a lot of work getting out the door. "Diapers? Check. Teethers, binkies and toys? Check. Extra onesies and bibs? Check. Wallet? Crap. Gotta run back upstairs. Phone? Oh whatever, noone calls me anyway". If we get antsy and want to see a little sun, we walk outside and down the block and back. I leave the door open to avoid having to carry out a bunch of keys so we walk as far as I can see the house (although the other day I realized, if I saw someone walking into our house, really, would keeping an eye out do any good? Probably not). Anyway, maybe it's the lack of sleep, or maybe it's the groundhog day feeling from time to time or late at night when all I hear is nothing, I think about who I am, where I am and where I am going. Not as a wife, not as a mom, but as myself - not today, or tomorrow or next week, but rather 3, 5, 10, 15 years from today. It doesn't change anything because there is nothing in this world I would trade for my days with Squirmy. Simply a small part of me as an individual that wonders if there isn't anymore of me. I must be tired - what's with the excessive comma usage???

She sure is delish! I tried getting a photo of her first tooth, but when her mouth opens, her tongue follows. There's just no getting around it. My little bundle of rolls and energy...

Playground

So the place we used to call home is now officially Leah's playground. In fact, it's a playground for all infants really. Feel free to come on by with your little one (if you have one)! That empty slot between the dresser and the swing? Well, it's been filled with yet another baby gadget. All we're missing is a slide (which I'm not too sure we won't be getting at some point). This is what used to be our living room. Now....

Then of course, that red thing sticking out in the bottom left corner of the picture above? It's a playpen so she can't get out because she is definitely becoming more and more mobile and I would still need to get stuff done around the house. I didn't realize how ginormous this thing would be when I ordered because it actually folds to be quite compact. I love it, but it sure does take up a ton of space....

And while I'm not thrilled about the jumperoo thing, I caved. I caved because she gets bored of her swing, of her floor playmat, of her little monkey monkey and she gets bored sitting in her bouncer watching me walk back and forth working my way around the kitchen. So yes, I caved, and you know what? She loves it and that's worth it to me. She has one more thing to play in. That gives me an extra half hour a day to get something done....

She's still a little short for it, so I had to stick a pillow underneath her so she can actually do some jumping. This is what filled the slot between the swing and the dresser. Most days, she seems content just eating whatever is on the tray thingamabobber....

At the very least, she will be using it until she learns to crawl out of things.... *Sigh*

Oh! Oh! Oh! And we are officially registered for Mommy and Me Swimming as of June 27th!!! I'm so super excited I count down the days. Yes. Seriously. I do. Mommies take your babies here!

Video?

5 Months!

She is now 5 (+ two days) whole months old. How quickly it goes... She now rolls back and forth, and rocks a bit front and backwards. She just stays in one place and rocks back and forth. She hasn't mastered getting onto her back from her belly quite yet, but that's okay. She's also discovered fruits. She is up to bananas and applesauce. I wish I could post up a video without going through youtube channels, but I'm not techie savvy enough. I still can't find the film strip icon anywhere. The older editing version has it, but it just won't load...